Unsent messages to ALISSA

It's 10:55 and I have started writing this with no clue why, I have no explanation for anything anymore. I have no explanation for why each and everyday I want more than anything in the world than to talk to you. But i can’t… i have no clue how it will end or where anything leads, i am constantly having to convince myself not to but hey after days and days of not sleeping i guys the real side of people eventually starts to show. I hate waking up every single night, yes every single fucking night thinking that i was never good enough for any of yous and that i will never be. Hell i can’t even think clearly anymore. The pain of having to lose people. People that you held like family, and let in so so so fucking close. But yet in the end they ended up being the ones who walked away with the most.

I hate knowing that each and everyday i go home to be treated like shit and the only thing the only fucking thing i had in my life to keep me going was you guys, and now i dont have that anymore. Now I'm crying like a little girl not knowing if I'm even pressing the right keys. I was so ready and prepared to kill myself and then you guys convinced me deep down not to, and now all of that is out that window now weve split. You guys convinced me that under all my hate and anger that there is actually a human being. And now I feel like all of that is just out the door. I hate how you went from being one of the people who I talked to everyday and now it's all just nothing, and sure i can fully say i can live without you but i know that somewhere in me there is a part that doesn't want to. And it's eating me up inside, and destroying me...

But hey 11:36 now… Don't feel obligated to respond to my text hell there's the chance you didn't read it and that is fair enough. But i feel like i just need to move on or else i'm going to continue to destroy myself inside. I need to move on…

I held you so closely as a person. I let you in so much feeling safe and that i could trust you but in the end you turned out to be one of the people who would walk away with the most... I don't know why things went the way the did, and i know there were many ways that could have fixed it but we all chose to keep fighting leaving everything anyone ever had in ruins. I hate how much i miss you. Its fair for me to say that i CAN live without you, i just don't want to. But by the way things went i feel like i have to. All i have to say at the end is fuck you, fuck you for all the things youve done and every time i felt like i could rely on you and then your turned away. all you done was manipulate me you bitch. and for that i can never forgive you, never.

You have no idea just how much you really meant to me. I would’ve moved heaven and earth to make you happy.

I saw you the first day and I completly fell eith you even i didn't know but i guess it fine, we almost dated but i said " no why ruin the friendship" and now the only thing i wish for more is to turn back time and to tell you yes i love and yes i would love to be your boyfriend but it is what it is and now you talk to me about the boys you like and everyday i wonder what we could've been, that week when you got over me i fell in love with you, and i guess it true what they say "you don't know what you have untill you've lost it"
I don't honestly know why im doing this but, i still like you alissa and a lot that mini date or what i call a mini date was the moment i knew you were special but youve moved on and so should i but i guess i can't i still love you and i love you a lot but now i can't tell you because we drifted apart, i was crying to my parents telling them it sucked that you wouldn't pay attention to me that you had moved on and yeah i know it was my fault for never paying attention but i guess I STILL LOVE YOU ALISSA ARGANDONA

You never said yes, but you didnt say no at the party. We were drunk. But Ive never felt so guilty. I know you remember. please Im sorry