From: ABC
To: Alissa
Date: December 30, 2020, 2:31 am
It's 10:55 and I have started writing this with no clue why, I have no explanation for anything anymore. I have no explanation for why each and everyday I want more than anything in the world than to talk to you. But i can’t… i have no clue how it will end or where anything leads, i am constantly having to convince myself not to but hey after days and days of not sleeping i guys the real side of people eventually starts to show. I hate waking up every single night, yes every single fucking night thinking that i was never good enough for any of yous and that i will never be. Hell i can’t even think clearly anymore. The pain of having to lose people. People that you held like family, and let in so so so fucking close. But yet in the end they ended up being the ones who walked away with the most.
I hate knowing that each and everyday i go home to be treated like shit and the only thing the only fucking thing i had in my life to keep me going was you guys, and now i dont have that anymore. Now I'm crying like a little girl not knowing if I'm even pressing the right keys. I was so ready and prepared to kill myself and then you guys convinced me deep down not to, and now all of that is out that window now weve split. You guys convinced me that under all my hate and anger that there is actually a human being. And now I feel like all of that is just out the door. I hate how you went from being one of the people who I talked to everyday and now it's all just nothing, and sure i can fully say i can live without you but i know that somewhere in me there is a part that doesn't want to. And it's eating me up inside, and destroying me...
But hey 11:36 now… Don't feel obligated to respond to my text hell there's the chance you didn't read it and that is fair enough. But i feel like i just need to move on or else i'm going to continue to destroy myself inside. I need to move on…
