Unsent Messages

i hate that you’re always on my mind. you’re the only one i will ever truly want. and it’s so stupid, isn’t it? it’s been so long but the smallest things will make me ache because they remind me of you. i wish i could hate you. you made me feel like shit, you would talk shit about me when i wasn’t around, i became your last choice and all i ever did was love you. i feel sick every time i remember the way your hands felt in mine or the lightest trace of them on my waist. i sound delusional. i always tell myself there’s something wrong with me because of how much you engraved your stupid thinking into my brain. you told me you never thought i was pretty and that’s all i think about when i look in the mirror. and i want to say you’re shitty for that so, so bad, and i remember some of the other times where you smiled at me as if you might have actually liked me. but in the end it feels like you never did. i wish i never fell for you but it gets addicting remembering the way you make me feel. and it’s so pathetic. i wish i wasn’t this broken about it years later but you were the only person i ever had and ever will truly love. i know i’m over you. but i remember the billion different things you made me feel and it makes me so mad that you did all that and went on like nothing happened. but in the end i still hope you’re okay. i hope you’re happier. i think i am, not that you really care.