Unsent Messages

I got a merry Christmas text from you. That’s all I wanted. Thank you. But I let you go today. And I felt god. For 5 minutes I truly felt at peace. I didn’t hurt. I felt free. It’s time to let go. This is goodbye. I want you to have a merry Christmas though. I did everything I could for you. And I know it was enough. I want you to love the next how we were in the beginning forever. I will not tell you I wish you the best, simply because that would be a lie. You hurt me. I’m so mad at you and confided still why you felt you had to let me go. Maybe one day I’ll get that answer but I don’t think it will be any time soon. We never made it official. And that’s what I think makes it hurt more. I hope you got your prayers answered. I hope god spoke through me to get to you over this past year. I hope he helped you fall in love with the things you used to hate about yourself through me. He shows up in the form of a lover. For some reason in the back of my mind I knew you’d leave someday. I truly did. I shouldn’t have ignored it. I needed you then. There’s signs of you everywhere. You taught me not to be afraid to sing for people. Thank you. Now it’s time for me to learn how to unlove you and detach from you. It’ll be bittersweet. Goodbye, my almost lover & truly merry Christmas