Unsent Messages

I'm terrified of loving someone again. I didn't think i'd ever be this scared to love someone but I am. She really did a number on me didn't she? And God, I really want to love you. You make me feel safe. You're something that's familiar I guess in the mess of my head that is changing rapidly. I'm becoming more quiet. I'm becoming more anxious. and i'm becoming more scared. I am so scared. Scared enough to feel the need to cry out. I don't want to hurt you again. I don't want to get hurt again. It's only been two months. And i know i cannot give you everything you want yet. Because i still think of her constantly. She's stained into my brain and everyone talks about her all the time and i can hear her voice and it's like im going insane sometimes. The only moments i don't hear her is when you're laughing and smiling. I realize how absolutely precious life is and how i have to stay alive to keep that gorgeous laugh afloat. I wish i could help protect you from all your bad thoughts and that i could make you smile and laugh all the time. so that i don't have to hear her. I don't have to be sad and empty. Today was a sad and empty day. Last night was the first time i felt content in a really long time. i was still sad, but i was content. i didn't need anything else just your face on my phone. Thank you bumblebee. for coming back into my life and giving me another chance to make you so very happy.