Unsent Messages

i previously mentioned how i texted you earlier today asking if you still loved me and you replied with something along the lines of "you won't believe me" or "you'll just say that im leading you on." it made me cry knowing that you got so used to the old me thinking that. i always doubted your feelings and it sucks and i hate myself for it but im so deeply in love with you to the point where im writing you letters about how much i miss and love you and how i wanna tell you about the things i've done. you tell me i have better people to talk to but in reality i don't. i'm pretending to be okay. i'm pretending im not struggling or suffering from this because i really am. i dont care if we date again or stay as friends, i just want to come back to you as a better, healed version of myself. i dont want us to hurt again and i don't want to hurt you anymore but i keep doing that and it sucks. i'm suffering without you around. i dont have anyone else i just had you but i fucked up. i'm so sorry for hurting you. i'm just pretending to be okay at this point. i'm so sorry.