Unsent Messages

i keep coming back to ramble about memories and my progress. i guess for some reason i believe that one day out of curiousity you'll come on here and type out your username lmao. i'm not gonna lie writing about all of this is comforting me and helping me cherish the memories we've made together. i don't want to get sad thinking about what we could've been or what we should've done. i want to be happy for what we were and the little things you did that made me happy. about three hours ago i texted you and asked if you still loved me. i want to believe that the answer is yes but i know you'll say no. there was probably a moment where one day you didn't feel anything for me but then the next you were just really excited to see me and look forward to talking to me. i find that really comforting. i hope you're excited to talk to me again when i'm okay. losing you would be like losing a huge part of me. you've saved me and loved me when no one else could and that makes me happy. i'm glad i stuck around. now i'm fighting to live so i can see you again.
anyways: i don't think you remember but i still think about the time we helped your sister move her stuff out since her room was being remodeled. i accidentally threw a brush at your private parts because you were making fun of me. it was supposed to hit your stomach but you moved. i still feel sorry about that, even though it is a little funny. i think it was like two years ago? i'm not sure but it's a pretty memorable time. and the time we ran down a rocky hill to see some deer and i stabbed my foot and you just kept going. there are times where i wish i could go back but!!! cherish and move forward. i don't remember when you started calling me sunshine, but the fact that you told me that i made you happy makes me sad now, because i hurt you with my insecurities and constantly overthinking. i distanced myself and i guess that gave you a reason to fall out of love. i'm okay with that :DDDD i guess me asking for a small break possibly destroyed you and i'm sorry. i hope one day we can come back to each other, romantically or not.