Unsent Messages

i just wanna be smart enough. loved enough. i tried everything to make me happier. but i keep hurting myself. i’m a disappointment for everyone i know. i know i’m not the most important person alive but i wish i could be the number one to someone. not the third or the second, the first. be the reason of someone. i wish i could be enough. if this is life then why do i keep fighting? i know what i want and who i want in my life, but i don’t think i can have them. yesterday, i prayed to never woke up, but i did. today was okay, but what if tomorrow is the same as yesterday? i don’t want to live like that but i feel like it’s the best life can give me. i just want people to look at me and see what i wish they saw. i’m trying everyday, i really am but i don’t think life wants me to succeed, and I can’t change that.