Unsent Messages

Im not even sure how to start this. Im mad, im hurt, im confused and its all because of you. ive carried the burden and guilt and sadness over our broken friendship for so fucking long and it makes me so angry that you obviously do not give a shit. i have spent countless hours feeling guilt and regret over things i have no reason to feel bad about. all of this time ive been blaming myself but looking back, I did nothing wrong. YOU lied to me, told me that my boyfriend was a fuckboy to try to get me to leave him just because you couldnt stand seeing me happy. i believed you at first too, because here i was thinking that you had my best interests at heart. why did you hate that i was finally happy, when i was your biggest supporter when you started dating your boyfriend. every achievement you made, every goal you accomplished, every good thing that came your way i was always there to be happy for you. because i genuinely WAS happy for you, even all these years later im happy for you, and proud of your accomplishments. fuck, i even spent time manifesting good energy and good things to come your way, because despite all of the pain youve put me through i still want you to succeed. it would make me so happy to see you flourish and do amazing things in your life.
but at the same time i cant help but feel sadness knowing you probably dont wish the same for me. if you werent happy for me then, you definitely dont want me to do well now. so thats hard to accept. you never even reached out. you just moved on. fuck you for that a little bit. you left me feeling so alone and hurt by you.