Unsent Messages

I think a lot about what it would be like to go to that place we said we would move to together. I mean. I said I would go on my own and I probably will. I even told you when I saw you , being worried you would be upset about me going to YOUR place. Your friend made something out of it telling me I only wanted to go in hopes of seeing you. That wasn't the case. I'm not nicholas sparks and I didn't expect it to be like a movie. I only wanted to experience the place you loved so much, and the place we had planned to visit and or live eventually. I really did want it to be with you. A lot of my thoughts changed when we were over for good. But the idea of you being my person never faltered. I can't picture things unless it's me alone or it you with me. Sad. I think of what it would be like to drop it all and go. Together. It never mattered what people thought, it matters even less now. It is my life. It could be ours if you ever wanted it to be. It is my fantasy though. To go disappear. Not to go back in time as if none of it happened but to move forward as if it all did, and we GREW. I'd love to do that with you. I mentioned something like it once. I called it fairy tales and rainbows. You said then that love like that didn't exist, but it does for me. If you asked I would go in a heartbeat even just to get a to know the man you are now and to have an adventure. If we loved each other then, which I believe we did, Id love us now. I don't regret growing up in that sense with you, only that I behaved so poorly. You truly gave me a beautiful taste of adult life and it holds my best memories thus far. At this point though I'm only rambling about the life I wish we could have. Its a sweet and sad fantasy I catch myself painting in my mind time to time. If it wasn't obvious now is one of those times.