Unsent Messages

Do you ask ME for help because you know I love you and would do anything you ask of me. Or, because the trust is genuine. Do you not have that for anyone else? I find that hard to fathom with the friend list I know you have. Or even the amazing girlfriend I have heard so much about. I would bend over backwards to try and give you the world, I honestly would, no question about it. I love you to an extent I didn't know I could. And you were my biggest loss, it still feels that way after all this time. I would like to think that this time was needed , the breakup I mean (for the both of us , I was too far off the deep end and you needed a genuine break) especially seeing how much I have grown and bettered as a person. However it always comes back to you. I want to think that you trust in me genuinely , that you do care, no matter the rumors I've heard. It crushed my heart to bits being told the love from you wasn't real, but you never said it to my face so how can I take those rumors fully to heart. No matter what I have stood my ground when it comes to my feelings for you. Cut people out because of it. I will love you till I'm finished and I refuse to brush it away as if it wasn't truly there for me. You were my biggest regret, but because of how I treated you at the end. I can wish all I want to have known better then but all I can do is learn more now. I haven't tried with anyone else. The desire really isn't there. Even though for some reason the most popular topic of discussion seems to always bring up my love life (sorry it's pretty non existent) I needed to work on me then and Ill continue to work on me now. It makes me a bit sad when I think you could be using me and my feelings for you to an advantage. I almost was blunt and ballsy enough to ask the other night if that were the case, but I caught myself because it felt far too inappropriate of a question especially after I had once already brought up the past earlier in conversation. I don't know what and all has been said. I wish I could openly tell you now. Too inappropriate for a taken man though. Love you.