Unsent Messages

hey brendan(s), this most likely isn’t for you, unless it is then hello to my brendan. i just wanted to write this to let you know without actually letting you know that i think i’m finally over you. that sounded so dyslexic i’m sorry lmao. but anyways, i no longer smile at my screen when i see your name, i don’t make up scenarios in my head about you before i close my eyes, i don’t feel connected to you anymore. however, despite all of that, i still do miss you. if you decided you want me again then i’d jump off my feet to be with you again. you mean so much to me and you deserve the absolute best. you aren’t good for me though, i know that. talking about other girls to my bestfriend, lying to me about going out with your friends, and treating me with pure disrespect. i needed you so much during that time and you knew that. you knew what i was going through, you knew my fear of loosing those who i love, you knew about my struggles and depression that i tried to keep from you to make sure you’re happy. you left me. and i know it’s been over a month, but i still do love you. after the breakup, i had no one. i cried myself to sleep cuddling into the prize you won for me. but now i don’t feel anything. if i could make one thing come true, it would be to make us be like how we were before the romance. i have a letter for you in my notes if anything were to happen to me. i cried my eyes out writing that and the fact that it will just stay in my notes forever shows that you’ll forever be in my heart. your friend tried warning me about how you were, and despite me knowing him longer then i knew you, i didn’t take his advice and threw it all in his face. i will never forgive you for the things you have said that are straight up offensive. i genuinely tried looking past your homophobic self but it’s gotten too far. i thought you were someone else when we were dating. i don’t regret anything-but i do wish i could change it so there would be no hurt.

this message is all over the place. one minute i’m over you, the next minute i miss you then i’m annoyed. these are the stages of getting better maybe. anyways, that’s enough. i know you’ll never see this but i feel a bit lighter getting this off of my chest.

i do wish you you’re best, - e


i also chose the orange as a funny reminder to when i went to your house for the first time ?