From: ABC
To: Alice
Date: January 9, 2021, 7:18 pm
i know i said i was signing off but i just have a couple of things I feel are imperative to say before i can leave you and this hellsent project to rest.
(1) you were never (EVER) a problem. if anything it was the converse. you were always so patient with me - even when i was being a stupid lil rat - and ik it’s cringe central but you were and are my favourite person in this stupid universe. i hope my fuckery didnt reinforce any of your bad thoughts also,, bc the way you care for people makes you so easy to love and talk to, it would undoubtedly be exceedingly difficult for anyone that really knew you to leave, even if you still believe otherwise.
(2) youre prolly wondering why i was anonymously cyber bullying you here in the first place,, which i promise i wasn’t really! well, I mean.. but anyways, so ive been using this stupid lil domain for a couple years to voice all my intrusive and difficile thoughts bc i don’t like leaving them in my brain and seeing them exist somewhere real makes me feel like they’re not my responsibility anymore. I don’t know. it sounds awfully stupid now i try to explain it but what im trying to say i guess is that all the bad things you read weren’t really me, they were the lil demons that crawl into my head at night time. not to excuse/justify them or undermine their cruelty and effect in any way, as i can not apologies enough for what you must of gone through reading my shitty excuses for thoughts and if i knew you would ever have read them i would never ever ever ever ever have written them.
(3) i recognise i fucked up big time and know you don’t owe me anything and friendship is impossible. i will do my up most best to not make this anymore difficult for you and let you be. I just don’t think I could of lived with myself having not at least tried to voice some of these points. It really really was lovely to have known you, and if you ever find yourself in trouble please don’t forget I’m just a phone call away.
always
Zach B