Unsent Messages

hi. im better now, yesterday was not fun, i had another episode and i was just screaming and crying in my sleep, my mom woke me up because she was worried and i couldn't snap back into the real world and it was like i was re living one of the worst moments on my life, it was so scary. my mom took me off of my meds because she thought i was better but apparently not. i hate being like this because its causing problems in my real life like with my boyfriend, i think he understands why i am like this but im not fully sure. i told him about why i am the way i am and why i have so much ptsd and he said he understood. i have a feeling that he is gonna break up with me because of it and i honestly dont blame him, like i dont want him to because i really like him but if he did then it would make sense. i miss you a lot more than usual lately, you gave the best advice and if you were here then i know you would be able to help. some people from my school started calling me by my nickname, i hate when people do that, its kinda just a personal thing and i only like when my family and really close friends call me it, especially because you made it up for me. my dad calls me my nickname and i dont mind it honestly but its just annoying when other people do it. its been crazy here lately, like politics are scary, and just everything tbh. but yeah i miss you a lot.