i’m gonna quit smoking because every time i do, i get panic attacks. that make me feel like i’m suffocating and crumbling. it’s because i think of you all the time and i can’t stop it. no matter what i do i can’t get you out of my head and i hate it. because i still love you with everything in me. genuinely and wholeheartedly even though you hate me. i wish you didn’t. i wish i could’ve been good for you. i miss you and it only gets worse everyday. i’m sorry for everything ellie.