Unsent Messages

I didn't think today would go the way it did. Asking to come over was a quick decision , I wasn't really thinking it through , but I thought the worst that could happen is I wouldn't be welcome. And it seemed like I was (atleast.. you gave me the okay while your friend was sexualizing everything and making me uncomfortable) but in the end I came over. It was actually really nice to be there all at the same time Except for the tension and aggression from you know who. He really hates how much I still care or how I wanted to be nice to you as much as I could (I was so worried about what to expect from you) He wants me to be over it , over you and be all his. Even if I was over you though, I never would be his. And I realize now I can't really be close to that anymore , in all the ways your friend is already toxic having some twisted love fantasy does make things worse. And I wonder about everything he has said and wondering if it was part of some sick manipulative game to try and win me from you.To be honest though I thought it was the perfect opportunity to be there so I wouldn't get trapped alone. I don't know if you guys talk about me , I don't know if he has made any illusions to you about what has been going on. I didn't want to be there alone and get stuck by myself. But whereas I thought you would be in the corner or not there at all by the time I arrived you really surprised me by talking to me and giving me that hug, even though it wasn't in any sort of way, it was nice of you. I tried to just be human , relaxed but I worry I gave off the wrong kind of energies , you always said I was terrible at first impressions so maybe you know enough about me to guess what I was feeling. And for us that was very close to a first impression , it's been months. A lot has changed. I know it doesn't matter to anyone but I wanted to look and act how I feel , I wanted it to be clear id grown , worked on myself and how most importantly I just feel good inside. Even if some of the pieces are still missing.