Unsent Messages

I'm sorry. I'm truly sorry. This is no way an excuse but it's an explanation.

I was going through a really bad depressive episode, lockdown hit hard, and I didn't text anyone one to one. But I texted on that GC tons because it was easier, I didn't have to say much. I wanted to text you more, and I should have.

But the truth is I was scared, I was confused. I knew I fell in love with you but I did what I always do, I pushed you away. And I hate myself for it.

I'm glad you are happier, truly. It's just sad that It was letting me go that enabled that.

I wish it was different, I wish I did better.

But I did what I did. I can't change that, im sorry.

I constantly replay that one day we were together, looking back on videos from it. Its one of my happiest memories. Actually all of the times we were together are my happiest. Thank you for making those few months of my life happy.

Every day of lockdown was me wishing I could be back with you, holding you. I just hope you know it was never one sided.

I will always love you.