Unsent Messages

If you wanted to you would. You’re the first boy I ever loved. It hurts to think you never saw me that way. Nor you ever cared. Because you still long for her... I watched it all. How you never saw me in the room because your eyes were fixated on her. I almost got used to the loneliness I felt as I watch you look at her as if she’s the only girl in the world. I watch and I watch. I cry myself to sleep as I get reminded that I wasn’t enough. For you, your friends, your family. I wasn’t enough. I get it, you know? She’s beautiful. I hate that I cant even hate her because she’s the kind of person I wanted to be. Strong and beautiful. I get why you were so charmed by her— that’s the worst part. I thought supporting you throughout it all would make me forget that I’m so inlove with you. It didn’t. I thought I could just forget all about it. Everyday I tell myself “I’m fine I’m fine” as I imagine dancing with you under the stars and you kissing my cheeks while caressing my face. I find it hard to seek comfort from the presence of other people because they just remind me that I’m no longer with you. Merry Christmas, Julian. Thank you for the good times. I love you, I always will. You know that.