Unsent Messages

you were a bitch to me. I still act like we are cool but you can go suck my dick. You put me through hell in 7th grade and I hope I never see you again. You helped my eating disorder form from 7th grade from what you said with your friends to look cool. You really tried to look cool. You apologized and I just said it was okay but in fact, I went home that day and cried for hours. My birthday was the next day and I couldn't even eat anything at the lunch table. People bought me food for my birthday and I gave it all away. I stopped eating for months because of you and I couldn't look at myself the same way. From then on I believed the worst in myself and two years later I still can't get over that. I still remember the words you said to me. I know you probably now don't even remember what you said but I still remember now and I can't get over it. I wish I could I really do, but I can't you said so many things to me that year and honestly, I am glad you left but when you texted me again a week ago it gave a wave of it again and I realized I still never recovered from that. I still live life knowing, "oh I'm not good enough, being Asian is not right, you're fat and have no worth." everything you said hurt me. I don't think I could ever forgive because to this day I still haven't gotten over it. I still can't eat normally like i used to. Everything I eat, I think about, I regret eating and i can't eat normal meals. I know you didn't mean it like that but since you pointed it out I couldn't stop thinking about it. I can't even eat without thinking about if it is worth it or not. If I overeat or eat more than one meal in a day I cry. I break down. I start to regret it and I tell myself not to eat the next day. In school, I would sit right in front of you and not once I had food but you still didn't notice. No one noticed and you ate whatever you wanted without guilt when I couldn't even eat something without feeling bad. i dont think i can ever love myself or call myself beautiful because of you. so i hope all that shit you said to me was worth it.