Unsent Messages

i am still trying to figure out who i am because when you left, you took all of me and i am stuck picking up pieces of myself and trying to find where exactly they fit. it was always her, wasn't it? the girl who i shouldn't have worried about; and yet in the back of my head, i always did. the connection, the contact - that could never compare to what we had, could it? you won't take back anything you said, will you? you won't ever return with a love offer. the acceptance i have to face is quite possibly the most difficult thing ever. my life has been filled with empty or broken promises and abandonment. and of all the people to walk in my life and make me feel as though there is a purpose to living, to you are the last one i ever expected to do the very thing i have always feared. i hope she takes care of you, though. does she ask you if you've eaten? has she asked about your hopes and dreams and fallen in love with you over and over again as you explained your passions? does she rub your head each time she sees you because you love the feeling of being at peace with the storm in your mind under the hands of the one you love? what about when your back hurts because in 8th grade you broke it while playing football? does she know you want to be more than an army guy eventually? your dream to become a nasa astronaut? does she make sure you shower, brush your teeth, and get to sleep at a decent time so you're energized for the next day because you HATE feeling tired? has she held you while you cried yet? or when you need her most? i can only hope she is there every waking moment as i was. because i know you and i know that you need constant love. i'm sorry my illness often got in the way of us. i wish i had gotten help sooner. and i only hope one day you will see me and run right in my direction. because even after being an option, after the words you said, the things you did - i still can't shake the thought of not taking you back. if you were to come back, that is. i'll love you forever, my honey pot.