Unsent Messages

Hey grandpa, it's almost been a year since you passed, I miss you. I wish you were still here. I wish that I still had you here to go and see you constantly, I wish that the smell of those Marlboro cigarettes that you smoked was still there. But only that slight tint of it, the way you would laugh at a joke and do the handshake with Harley and I. Thanksgiving where you and my uncles would have a beer or two and watch us grandkids outside or talk about whatever topic you guys wanted to talk about. I wish I could tell you that I was in a real relationship this summer, and that I'm joining the Air Force next summer, I want to tell you that everything is great and that someday you could go to my high school graduation and I could hug you after getting my diploma next year. I wish that I could see you again, smiling and being full of joy when seeing us grandkids. I always wondered how you never had a single gray hair on you head, just in your beard, the lack of it made you look so young and youthful, just like your heart. I wish I could hug you one last time. I wish I could tell you that I love you one last time while leaving your house. Not that terrible night in the hospital when I didn't get to say goodbye, when I lost you for well... forever. I remember how frail and fragile your hands felt, and the shaking breathing I heard from you before everything happened. I miss you. I don't miss those nights when I would lay in bed crying and thinking I wouldn't see you the same way and praying to the god I believed in, to keep you here. He took you too soon and honestly I'm scared of losing my religion. I don't want to but grandpa, I don't know how to believe in a god whenever he took me away from you and didn't keep you here and healed you. I wanted you to see me graduate high school and basic, I wanted you to hear all of my stories and get to meet my best friends. I promise that I'll see you again someday and thats when I'll run into your arms and hug you as tight as I can. I miss you and I'll love you for forever.

~ Your granddaughter Alayna Marie