I'm sorry for never being good enough. I wasn't enough for you to fall in love with, even though you said you loved me. You made me feel special, you acted like you actually cared. Sending that last message to you just proved that you never really cared about me. Not enough to respond, or even pretend that it upset you? You'll always be too fucked up and selfish. You're such a dick, you know that? You are such a shitty person. You don't deserve me and I don't deserve to be treated the way you treated me. I will never have a connection with someone the way I did with you, that's why it's so difficult for me to leave. We clicked so well, I never thought that it would be possible to have that kind of chemistry on the first night of talking to someone. But as time went on, I realized we are just too different. Complete opposites. You don't feel anything and I feel everything tenfold. I was nothing to you and you were everything to me. I'm sorry for being too emotional, taking it all too seriously, but you are partly to blame as well. I would have never thought you loved me if you hadn't said that you did, fuckhead. Why did you say that? It ruined everything. I genuinely thought you cared. But you moved on before we even stopped talking...I have a gut feeling you're gonna date her after telling me you could never date anyone. When that day comes, it will be obvious how much you truly cared about me. You would call me crazy, but when I mentioned it you didn't even reassure me?? When I talked to her about it I could tell she was fighting back feelings for you. I can't do anything because I don't own you, we aren't together. She's going down the exact same path I did, you manipulative fuck. I know this was all meant to be, whatever happened was for a reason, but I wish you had never texted me that one day in late October. I wish we never started talking over something as dumb as a Halloween costume. If you hadn't felt the need to get an opinion from this random girl you never talk to, we wouldn't be in this situation two months later. If I hadn't posted that one thing on my story, you would have probably asked someone else. If I hadn't kept asking you questions and encouraged you, we wouldn't have continued talking past that first night. So many things have been said since then. It's crazy how many things can be said in two months. It feels like a lifetime. I am such a different person, I know so much more, experienced so much. You would say absolutely nothing has changed and it's been quite uneventful..I guess that's just how my mental illness works. I had a crush on you for over a year, I fucking manifested you. I brought you into my life and then my abandonment issues pushed you out. If I wasn't so fucked up mentally, everything would be great. Honestly, you'd probably like me more if I was your "emotionally unavailable alt biddie" god fuck you. You played me, dude. You acted as if you wanted me when all you really wanted was the idea of me. You couldn't deal with a real person who has fully fledged emotions (something you'll never, ever, begin to understand, you fucking asshole) you wanted attention, a distraction. I wanted that too but I need so much more. I need someone who can actually be with me and a part of my life. Someone who really cares and loves me unconditionally. I thought I needed you, but you are so fucking terrible for me. I'm glad that I'm making the steps to get over you, but it hurts so bad. And we never even fucking dated!! God. How did you turn my life upside down. You were my first experience with love. With anyone showing interest in me. It was so intense and moved so quickly, but you were on a completely different page. I was living in my own fantasy world clouded with love. You were just..living. This shit happens to you once a month. I thought I was special..you told me I was special. But then you told me I wasn't? You were lying? You never said that? I don't fucking know dude, you're just the worst. I'm sorry my bpd got in the way of everything, I'm sorry I couldn't be the perfect girl for you. Hopefully, she is. Or maybe that's all in my head too. Whatever. Fuck you, Adam.