Unsent Messages

I don't know... I think- no, I know, I know that part of me will always love you. Part of me will always long for you to be in my life. I can live without you, I truly can, but I don't want to. I want to wake up and tell you about my dreams, I want to text you when I'm bored and tell you that I miss you. I want the excitement I would get when I would see you smile. Part of me feels like I ruined things with my mental health, I was never as open because I wanted to be strong for you and for us. But I think that's what ruined things in the end, the guard I put up and the lack of communication. I still love you, I still think about you, but part of me still feels like you fell out of love with me a long time ago. Part of me feels like you lost the spark for me when things got bad and that is why you left. I don't blame you or hate you for leaving because I know that even though I still have feelings for you, I needed to experience our break up so that I could put in the effort of getting help and growing mentally and emotionally. & for that I will always be thankful, I hope that you grew while we've been apart too. Even when we were broken up and still in contact, our connection was never lost. I still had my best friend. I don't know when we distanced ourselves from each other but I hope someday in the future we find ourselves again even if it is just to be friends because you made my life better. You encouraged me to become the person I always wanted to be even with just a simple "everything is okay". I hope you know that even with this physical and emotional distance between I want the best for you, and that will never change. Because when you truly love someone, you want them to be happy even if happiness isn't together. You were always my yellow. Love, your brightest star in the sky.