its funny how u can see me go through different mental breakdowns through these, lol. embarassing. anyways dude, um i was a major retard. and i wish you would of just said so , b ut thats not you anymore huh?
i basically have been having to tell myself youre dead. isnt that sad. but is it not true? i met a different girl than who u are now, i was friends with a different girl. I never got to meet annabeth. who ever you were for the time we were together was everything i ever dreamed of, i fear i will never find that feeling again. i used to wish you were uglier because we got along so well, lol. i tried getting handsome for you. i tried being a mountain man. a god saved man. all things that have made me happier but also left me hollow. for i was trying to be who i thought you would want. and i just wanted to be it for you. how you were it for me. im sorry for dipping off how i did, i had a really bad acid trip and it fucked me up to this day. ive been doing mushrooms every couple months as personality resets. august, i saw god, and November i lost him. i dont get why we keep running into eachother. is that god? random coincidences ? most likely. but i dont like to believe in those. oh well. our friendship is still dead actually, sorry.
i just woke up that day and, i didnt wanna know of ur existence like i was, needed to removed myself from your world. because u didnt want me in it.
im sorry
i hope you realize
i just
finally felt love
for the first time since i was young
very young
it was always you
but when i believed
that i was enough
i just
i dont know
i miss digging your brain
hearing some dry witty remark or just simply enjoying silent company. whatever man you choose will truly be happy. for you are one of a kind.
i love you annabeth
forever
and always
with my chin held up
`fi