Unsent messages to ANNABETH

I’m sorry for my actions. I hope we fine each other again. I miss u…and ur curly hair :) :(-????????

I cared for you more than my family. you were special. i hope he brings out everything in you that I couldn’t. Still hoping the best for you.
I didn’t lose a love or a friend or even a soul mate.
You were like a sister.
you made me feel loved.
My bad for getting it twisted.
Later

its funny how u can see me go through different mental breakdowns through these, lol. embarassing. anyways dude, um i was a major retard. and i wish you would of just said so , b ut thats not you anymore huh?
i basically have been having to tell myself youre dead. isnt that sad. but is it not true? i met a different girl than who u are now, i was friends with a different girl. I never got to meet annabeth. who ever you were for the time we were together was everything i ever dreamed of, i fear i will never find that feeling again. i used to wish you were uglier because we got along so well, lol. i tried getting handsome for you. i tried being a mountain man. a god saved man. all things that have made me happier but also left me hollow. for i was trying to be who i thought you would want. and i just wanted to be it for you. how you were it for me. im sorry for dipping off how i did, i had a really bad acid trip and it fucked me up to this day. ive been doing mushrooms every couple months as personality resets. august, i saw god, and November i lost him. i dont get why we keep running into eachother. is that god? random coincidences ? most likely. but i dont like to believe in those. oh well. our friendship is still dead actually, sorry.
i just woke up that day and, i didnt wanna know of ur existence like i was, needed to removed myself from your world. because u didnt want me in it.
im sorry
i hope you realize
i just
finally felt love
for the first time since i was young
very young
it was always you
but when i believed
that i was enough
i just
i dont know
i miss digging your brain
hearing some dry witty remark or just simply enjoying silent company. whatever man you choose will truly be happy. for you are one of a kind.
i love you annabeth
forever
and always
with my chin held up
`fi

huh
huh
huh
I don’t know bro
I’m stumped at the moment.
I hope to one day pat ur head again
And hold those child hands of yours,
If not?
life goes on
Miss u
Make some art

...
why
me?
why did you care? Just
every time I think
Of god
I think of you
Every time I think
I think of you
I’m getting so
Tired
but I can’t sleep
I wish I hadn’t
Been
So
Afraid
To say goodbye
And now
I’m
Just
In
Hell
and
I’m always in
Solitude
Because I’m not
Alone
But I’m alone
just as alone
As I was
When I was
With you
Why did you lie?
why did I lie?
why did neither of us want to make time?
what was the last month of screenland like?
Was it lonely?
I was lonely
I hope you weren’t lonely
I’m sorry abbaneth

everyone would always say you were such negative things.
you were always the sun in my sky.
i love you
i'm so Fucking Sorry.