Unsent Messages

dear D,
I don't think you know how much you meant and still mean to me. what we had was perfect until you left.. lifting me over your shoulders after a late-night play fight in my garden into the kitchen making my family laugh. my parents adored you, I was fully myself around you always. you changed me for the better and I will always be grateful for that and I agree with you..we went too fast but it felt so right. you weren't prepared to give it time so you left. I know you never felt the same because we are young and haven't lived long enough to know but I was in love with you, I was in love with the guy with massiveee feet and missing eyelashes on your left eye because for some reason you cut them off, I was in love with the guy who got me into cheesecake and Chinese, the guy who has the best taste in films and music even though I would never admit that to you. I'm saying 'was' like I'm no longer in love with you but it's been almost 3 weeks and love doesn't just go away. I know your feelings for me are long gone. I felt it the Saturday before you broke up with me.. you suck at lying by the way. your mum always said you did. it was the little things you did that made me happy... all the accents you did, the jokes you made, helping me in class, forehead kisses, hugging me, explaining things that dumb me should know. I listened to everything you said, I could build a computer now from what you told me (longshot). we always got on better in person...our text conversations went pretty dry within a few weeks but we were always fine in person, we always smiled and laughed together. sometimes I'm really jealous of you.. how you just don't care about us anymore. you throw yourself into something you love doing while I'm sat writing this message after 3 days off school because I haven't been eating. sometimes I really wish you would open up to me the way I opened up to you, that night you fell asleep on my chest after crying meant a lot to me...you trusted me that night. it would be funny if you ended up reading this because I bet you don't remember any of these memories. I've remembered every single moment with you because even if we aren't together and I'm moving on... they made me happy. I mean you've made me a bit sad but for 2 months you made me so happy. so thank you for that, even if I was 6 months older I really looked up to you.. . mentally and physically because man you are tall. I hate how forgiving I was... I didn't have the energy to argue when we fell out. I just wanted us to be okay so I was the one to always say sorry even if I hadn't done anything wrong. I'm just ranting now but David you've shown me a true relationship, thank you for being my best friend for the past few years and my boyfriend for the past few years. I know we will see each other every day for the next 4 years but I just want to say I really hope your life goals come true, I know they will you're the cleverest boy I know. I miss your family, I hope they're okay. and I hope that you are okay, I'm always here for you even if you don't want me to be there for you. 'Tuesday's gone' and you always took 'my breath away'
from M x