Unsent Messages

My best friend told me in order to heal from the traumatic events, I need to really feel them. I think my mind went blank as they happened. But lately I’ve been drawing. Drawing when I see you, drawing when I think of you, drawing semi-abstract images to express what I’m feeling. I dig into the hurt, but so far, I’ve only dug up more. I wonder at what point I’ll be able to move on. I wonder what will happen to me. I wonder if we’ll reconnect at a coffee shop in college. I wonder where you’ll be. I think of everything often. I broke up with my boyfriend. I am single again. Single with no one to tell me I’m not. I am single once again. I wonder also if you’ll ever see this. How is your home? Do you have any friends left.... I’m sorry. It’s hard to type what I want to say. Something is holding me back from typing it out. What is holding me back? Is this a sign of progress in the steps to reconstruct what was broken? Will typing it help? I’ll force myself to, because it’s true. And because I can. I love you, Blair. It’ll always be you, you’ll always be mine. I wish we met in another city or under a different sky. The bright fluorescent lights that were once a sign of hope, remind me only of you. Do you think of me too? Send me a sign. I miss our love. I have no bad words that I could say about you and truly mean. I want you to be happy and successful. If you need anything.... I hope you find it.