Unsent Messages

i wish i could have captured the happiness you made me feel like a painting, or a photo. i could look at it and remember. maybe feel it again one last time. you didn’t see me as me you saw me as a body. Not a beautiful body. Just a body. An object you didn’t love me. Your eyes didn’t light up the way mine did when you saw me I was too blind to see it then but I have finally opened my eyes i now realize it more and more everyday. Why couldn’t I have seen it then. Why was I so blind. I could have saved myself from this hurt. This fatal love that I felt for you. It was so toxic and degrading because all I wanted in this world was you. Why couldn’t you have given me that satisfaction. I crave everything about you so deeply rregardless of how toxic you are, even if you did only want to use me. I remember the beginning it was so pure and innocent we were in love we connected . Your eyes sparkled when I looked into them. That sparkle disappeared, maybe the whole time I was just mistaking the glare from the sun to be it. But I felt like I had it all with you. But I know I didn’t I cried nightly wondering why I could never be enough for you. As hard as it is I have come to realize it is not me who is not enough. Because no matter what I looked like, dressed like, and acted like. It would still never be enough for you. No one will ever be. You are not ready for love. You do not deserve my love or anyone else’s. You don’t want a partner for life. You fake the passion for the sex that comes with the romance. I thought you were different from the beginning. But you see we are all deceived in the end.
- This is goodbye, Until we meet again in another life.
Forever and Always