Unsent Messages

Hi! I think I've sent one of these to you in the past, but I just wanted to tell you that I love you. I miss you so much, but we both know that this is for the better. You are so much happier and I am finding my way. What we had was not the healthiest and while it wasn't toxic, it wasn't good for either of us. And I have a feeling that I am always going to miss you but I know that I will get to a point in life where when I think of you, I smile at the memories and not breakdown because of how things ended. I blamed myself a lot for it and that wasn't right. I always told myself that if I had done things differently, you would still be here, but we both know that's not true. I can ponder all of the "what ifs" and "could have beens" but nothing will change the fact that you are gone and there's nothing I can do about it. So I guess this is goodbye. I realized something when you left, you know. Back before I dated Drew, I said, Kate choose, you or Drew, and I picked Drew. I didn't really know why but now I do. Deep down, I knew how much power you had and if you left, I wouldn't know what to do with myself. And although I could never truly be friends with you, the thought that one day, you wouldn't be there anymore scared me. Drew was temporary, I knew that. And even tho he treated me like crap, I told myself I deserved it and that if he left, it would hurt less. He had nothing on me, and you had everything. You probably didn't know this, but you had me wrapped around your finger, and not even I knew it. I choose him because it was safer, not because he was better. And while I will continue to miss you and wonder how you are doing, I know that if I contact you, there's a possibility I will fall back into my old ways. You taught me that I can't put my trust and everything I have in people and I am so grateful for that. I know you told me, but I was too stubborn and foolish to realize it. So thank you and I love you.