Unsent Messages

every time i think of you, i can only see the good times. like when you bought me chocolate milk, and taught me about a lawnmower engine. you spun me around as we danced in your basement to an old love song on an ancient radio. i thought you loved me. you made me who i am today, and i loathe you for it. i cant live my life without the little things reminding me of you, like the music we used to listen to as we bombed around the countryside at night. i cant visit the hidden little park, because i remember us laying in the rain in your car, the way you looked at me made me believe you when you said you loved me. i cant look at the stars, without hearing your laughter next to me. i cant watch my favorite show without a stabbing pain in my heart, knowing that i only watch it because of you. you wanted to hang out with me one last time before you left for 6 months, after we hadnt talked since the breakup. on the way home you said to me “i dated everyone for a reason.” what was my reason? so you could have someone to hold you, and reassure you when you felt like the world was against you? so you could have someone to be your shotgun rider so you felt less alone at night? i never felt good enough for you, and when you left, a piece of me left with you. and now i just hope, that i can fill it again. fuck you tylor, for making me love you as much as i did, as much as i still do.