Unsent Messages

Idk if you even read these, but leaving these here for you gives me some kind of comfort, like i can y’all to you. I tried calling, and it went through, so I’m guessing you’re back. I just want to let you know that I’m done, I’m letting go. I can’t keep holding on to you, holding on to hope. Even since the last time you reached out, I knew that you were just going to end up choosing her, like always. You told me you were going to leave her, and I wanted to believe you so badly, but I was only continuing to hurt myself. I should know at this point to not trust you, because no matter what you say, you’ll never chose me. You never have, and you never will. You only think about what you want, and you don’t care about how it’ll affect me. And that’s the thing, you never have cared about me. Because if you did, you wouldn’t hurt me, and continue hurting me like this. It’s been a year since meeting you, and the sad thing is she’s been a part of it almost the entire time. You kept telling me things would change, and I believed you. I think maybe I just have this idea of you in my head, of who I want you to be for me, of a future with you. But it’s just an illusion. I wanted you to change, to be better for me, and that’s where I went wrong. Because if you wanted to, you could be that person. That person who actually cares about me, and strives for something, for a life. But you don’t want to, not for me at least. And I get that now. I think to myself sometimes, that perhaps you are my soulmate……you’re mine but I’m not yours. Even though I’ve accepted the fact that we will never work out, I want to know how you’re doing. If you’re alright, and happy. Because I still care about you, and I probably always will. I just don’t want to part ways on bad terms. I don’t want you thinking that I hate you, or that I’m holding some type of grudge. All I’m asking for is a chance to say goodbye.