Unsent Messages

Hey... it’s 7am rn. I didn’t get any sleep and stayed up all night thinking about you and you know what? I’m gonna treat this thing like my diary. To be honest, I don’t feel like I like you anymore. I think I don’t. I know we’re long gone but I still had feelings for you when we drifted apart. It took me months. All those months I cried at fuckin... 3am, couldn’t focus at school, work, and just kept wishing that you care enough to think about me too... but I know you don’t, and that’s fine. That’s the reason why we stopped meeting each other anyway, I just wish you had told me what you felt beforehand, I had so much hope for the both of us. Everything.. Just please tell me all those times we had together meant something to you. I know you didn’t love me but you atleast cared about me, right? ...Well, I guess this is moving on. It’s much lonelier than I had imagined. You know, losing someone so important to you feels like you lost a part of yourself. Everyday, when we still had each other, all I thought about was you. Everyday. We talk almost everyday before bed and right after waking up, I’d ask you about your day and you’d tell me all the interesting bits of your day. I’d listen, listen, listen, and just listen. But you won’t listen to me. Nor were you ever interested about how my day was. Now that you’re gone it’s just kind of like... back to square one, you know? I had to figure out how to do things that I used to do when you were by my side. I had to completely reset my routine, every morning i’d think “you’re gone, you’re gone, you’re gone, how will I spend this day without you? Without your hugs and kisses? without hearing your voice? Without you by my side? Who was I before I met you? Do I want to become the person I was before you?”. One thing for sure is, I don’t cry about you anymore. I don’t know why, it just stopped and I can’t exactly figure out why, but I still think of you, holding you and embracing you, but god fucking dammit you’re gone! And you wanted that! You left me in the dark when we promised we’ll always have each other. It’s so fucking stupid. All those times are so fucking stupid. I feel so fucking stupid for thinking that I meant something to you.