From: ABC
To: Alice
Date: December 30, 2020, 6:55 pm
Ummm where to start ,,so happy and joyful but ahaha empty. God damnit u make me sooo happy but u also seem to have the power to make me miss u deeply. Idk if ur heart has ever acked but it hurts so bad. Ur chest tightens and your heart rate start to pick up ,,all u want to do is crawl underneath a blanket and cry till ur chest loosen and that's what I try to do. But then I see the next day and it feels like I don't even have the power to look u in the eyes without crying and asking BEGGING,what do I have to do to be in ur mind on ur mind. When u have to do something for my name to be at least one of the first to come into ur mind,but it's clear I don't even make it into the top 5 ,that's me trying so desperately to be what u wsnt in a best friend. It's probably bad to try and push something like that but u don't even trust me ahaha. I remember meeting u and it was practically instant realisation of damn this person is beautiful inside and out. Ngl crying a little righting this ,,who knows maybe in the new year I will be able to be more honest to u about how much u mean to me,,I wouldn't expect that to change anything but this constant tug of war of damn this person is perfect, to hmm maybe I feel this special connection with this person is actually a warning to stay away. U seem to have made me the happiest and safest person to live,thank you for the gd times but idk there's to many times Ive gotten left out, to not get a little offended. You are truly fantastic ,I've told myself over and over leave her don't talk u will be more happy but one hey hru and I'm caught again. The feeling of being happy,even if it's for a little while it's addicting and it's seems like u r one of the only people can as easy as that make it happen.aha fuck. Basically I have this feeling that I can't name because I don't no what it is , probably love, and Idk how to talk to u. Plz don't forget me I exciset ,, unfortunately if J could cease to do so I would. Therefore no pain for anyone left alive ,sorry got off track there umm we will see what happens in the new year ahaha ahh I hate it ,,love it's so confusing and fucked up and unfair. Have a gd one, and be a little more confident cuse I no how truly brillant u r :):