Unsent Messages

i saw your vsco bio, that’s glorification genius. READ THIS WHOLE THING SO YOU CAN UNDERSTAND: i never wrote to you on here. not even once since the breakup. i do not want you to believe i would ever say the things in these letters. i am love. i am not in love, ever. love is a state of being. so here’s what i have to say: i’m not mad and i forgive you. i do not hate you or your family, god bless you all. i’m happy where i am at. i am not waiting on you. you’re not my world. you’re not my best friend. you’re not my ride or die. you’re not my future. you are just you. maybe soon(the sooner the better for you)we will talk, maybe the last time was the last time. it’s up to you because i deleted your number so don’t expect a call or a text from me. i don’t know which of these letters on here are from you, and i don’t try to figure it out. understand that i cannot help you fight your wars, and that in no way should you ever be inclined to help me fight mine. i am done with depression, i won my battle. i am doing the best i have ever done in 8 years of this, no thanks to you. this letter is not cold and heartless(lol) as it may seem. bubba it hurt a lot at the time. it did. but after a time, pain faded away. nothing is permanent. i have this great big life to live and i cannot force anyone to be a part of it and i cant wait for you to wake up one day and miss me enough to call me. i’m not moving on with another person, i’m moving on mentally. do not hesitate to call me. you know me, you know i will not be mad, you know i am compassionate. if you do not know that, you do not know me. i have no time to prove who i am to anyone, if you do not know me by now you never will. you run from your feelings. you run from the truth. you ran from me. . i cant chase after what is leaving. i love you. i miss your smile. i miss those eyes. i miss the random conversations we’d have. i saw that your hair is different now, not my taste, but do you. we are both different people now, and that’s just because love changes people. i’m glad your getting along with your family again, i hope your mama is healthy and well. you’re not on my mind as much anymore, i’m just really focused on being alive. ok so here’s what i want you to understand because i know myself and i know my writing is often cryptic and only makes sense to me: i’m not mad. i’m not hurt. you should call, but know what you’re going to say because i have no time to waste. i love you. even if it doesn’t seem like it. we could get back together, but it’d be different, not in a bad way. change is good for the soul.