i know that you’re never gonna see this, but you have NO idea how much i am still in love with you. i met you when i was just 14, you were 15. you were my bestest friend, until i realised i was starting to fall for you. here i am, about to turn 18 and my feelings haven’t changed. you were the first and only boy i have ever fallen in love with and it hurts to know that we aren’t as compatible as i wished. i’d like to think that we’re right person wrong time, but i think that we’re wrong person wrong time. you are the one person that annoys me more than anyone yet i still manage to fall more in love with you even on our bad days. we always talked about our future, how many children we’re going to have, how old we’re going to be when we have them and what age we want to get married, but i feel like that will never happen. if you don’t end up becoming the father to my children, i’ll make sure to tell them about my first love and what it felt like. i love to look at you when you drive, you always look so pretty to me, even when you’re doing nothing. you know how much eye contact makes me nervous yet when you stare into my eyes it gives me the most amazing butterflies. i could go on for hours about how you make me feel. i want you to know how special you are to me, and that even if we don’t end up together in the future, you’re always going to mean something to me. i don’t know what i’d do if something happened to you. my life would turn upside down, and even on days where you would be in the worst mood possible and take it out on me, i’d still think you were so perfect. i miss kissing all over your face, especially your cheeks. you’d never admit it to anyone, but i know you loved it, it made you feel cared for. i wish i could do that one last time, i wish i could look into your big hazel eyes while you look down at me and i wish i could tickle up and down your back while you fall asleep with your face in my neck. i love you.