Unsent Messages

uh its my birthday, thank you for greeting me. it was the only one i was looking forward to. i called you so late last night. im sorry i woke u up but it was the only way i could say how i really feel. whenever i do get the chance, i cant bring myself to say those things even when its killing me, but today, i told you. im sorry i cried in front of you like that, i didnt mean to but hearing your voice broke me. you told me everything i was afraid that you were gonna tell me but all i could say was i understand and that its okay. you said now isn't the right time for us and that you had other things to focus on, anything you say i try to justify and understand because thats how much i love you. i dont cry in front of anyone at all but you know that feeling when your heart just drops when hearing things that completely crush you? yeah that. you hurt me, a lot. if we were closer would it be different? you say you miss and love me too then come back to me, i won't give you a hard time :( deep down i know youre telling me you couldn't give a hundred percent right now to cover the fact that youve fallen out of love, but i dont wanna admit it. i wanna think that you really just need time to focus on yourself but how could i when all i see you do is flirt with other girls? im watching the boy i loved, love someone else, and i wouldnt wish that upon anyone :( it hurts