Unsent Messages

Hey.
As I'm writing, it's 5am on the 1st of January, 2021.
I just spent hours celebrating New Year's Eve with my friends. I didn't think of you anywhere in those times. It's only now, as I'm alone to sleep on the couch and I spotted your name on Spotify, that I go back to you and wonder where you are now. Who you are with. Who you are at all.
I miss you, but less than before. And I think I'm finally starting to resign to the fact that you don't want to talk to me anymore. After all, I want you to be happy in your life, and even though it makes me very frustrated that I cannot be in this picture at all, I must accept it. And as I'm starting this new year, I want to move on more than I ever did before. I pray that the moment where I'm finally completely over you comes soon enough. I'm ready.
There will still be tough moments coming, like all the painful memories of remembering what I was doing a year ago with you. Those will be coming for at the very least another six months, because this is a time of my life you marked more than anyone else. A year ago, you sent me the first text to wish me a happy new year. In like 20 hours from now, you'll call me just because you miss me and we'll talk quietly in the night of my house, feeling the happiness of seeing each other again in a few days. In 3 months, we'll say I love you to each other for the first time and you'll make me feel a happiness and comfort I never felt before and haven't since. In 3 months, we'll also have to separate again, which brought its own fair of struggles but also its happy moments; I'm still so sorry I couldn't live up to the bond we had, so sorry I couldn't trust what we shared. In 6 months I'll be coming to visit you, knowing as soon as I arrived that these moments I was living would be those I would later cling onto, realising even right In the moment that I would kill to relive them again in the next months of my life. In 7 months I will be thrown into the worst pain I ever felt and leaving you then losing you will be one of the main reasons.
It's over now, and I hope this is one of the last times I write to you. I want to let you go.