Unsent Messages

how do I put this. you were my first love. love. that's a strong word. what does love mean. love means you. I thought love meant us. not only were you bad for me but you were bad to me. you weren't nice. you were harmful, yet I loved you like you gave me everything, yet, you gave me nothing. I loved you like there was no tomorrow. I cried over you day and night for the fear of losing you cause I grew so attached to the hip for you. I created a false reality in which you would love me the same way and tell me how you feel. under the stars to be exact. for the whole world to see just hold my hands and tell me the three words I would kill to hear you speak. You came back a few weeks ago, and you changed. You aren't that immature boy you use to be, but with that comes more challenges. you're still crazy about her, but you pretend not to be cause it hurts you and your pride. You talk about her a lot. you still care so much about her. Yeah you were my first love, but I wasn't yours. You show no emotions. You lost that beautiful smile you always had. were did it go? Did it leave the same way you did months back? Did it tell you they weren't ready to commit forget you like it was nothing. You say it just went away over time. I hope you've changed. I loved you so much I learned to live without you cause i saw that you were happy, but now that you're back, I pray I'm the one who will make you happy. I can't be your first love anymore cause god knows one of the other girls took that place, but I sitll hold on to my false realities like their memories. I hold on to them because they don't change like you did. They don't leave you like you did. You hurt me more than you'll ever know yet I still let you back. Last night was amazing. I couldn't stop smiling. Seeing you actually smile for once was something I wouldn't trade for the world. I wish the best for us, but you've hurt me before, and I'm terrified you'll do the same thing again. You told her no before, but theres only so much you can do when your heart wants something that your head knows will hurt you. You can only say no a number of times before you give in and let them come back. I would know, the same thing happened to me. I love you danny, and even though it tough right now, I still love talking to you. I love being the one you open up to. Now make me the one you love.