I realised something today.
I don’t know if it even means anything anymore, but I need to write it somewhere.

I spent hours today with the only female colleague I feel closer to in my team. We tried a bookstore, walked around Indiranagar, sat in a café, even wandered the same lanes I’ve walked with you so many times. And it hit me that the entire stretch of time didn’t feel even 5% like how I feel when I’m with you.

We were talking, laughing, eating, walking in the park… everything people normally say should feel good. But it didn’t come close, even the movie yesterday...It didn’t feel like that comfort or that quiet happiness I get with you. It didn’t feel like that ease. It didn’t feel whole.

Even in the most normal conversations with you, I feel more like myself than I did in hours with people I technically get along with.

And then I saw Corner House today.
And without even trying, my mind went straight back to 3rd September.
That evening.
The rain.
That weird in-between moment where the confession was half happening, half being swallowed.
The way everything felt heavy and light at the same time.

I realised something else too. I didn’t fall for you because you were available. ( Sometimes I did fear this is the only reason)
I fell because something about being with you feels like home in a way I’ve never felt with anyone else. I didn’t choose you because I was lonely. I chose you because something in me relaxes when you’re around.

It’s strange. I don’t know what you feel, how you process things, or where your mind goes. But whenever I spend a day with other people, especially today or even yesterday after the movie, it becomes so obvious that the comfort I feel with you isn’t common. It’s rare. And whether or not anything ever comes out of all this, I can’t deny that it’s real.

You’re definitely the first person I genuinely liked completely on my own, not because you tried to impress me or be someone else like literally every guy before. I was so tired of people pretending. With you, I’ve seen the most unfiltered, real version of you. No pretence. No sugar-coating. Nothing. We’ve both been ourselves because this romantic angle wasn’t there initially and we never tried to be perfect. Our arguments, our differences, our debates… we are so different and yet there’s this comfort and respect.

I like how natural things were between us. I’ve seen you as you are. And your flaws never felt like flaws to me. Everyone has flaws. What matters is being accepted without it feeling like a compromise. Somehow accepting you never felt like effort. It just happened.

Apart from wishing you were more emotionally open and clearer in communication, which I know is just your nature, there is nothing in you I’d want to change. I genuinely love you and accept you as you are. I just wanted your love someday. The side of you that you don’t show or surrender to anyone. I wished I had that.

Sometimes I wonder if you could ever meet me halfway someday. If you could ever accept me as I am. If my depth really scares you that much. If my depth is actually the thing that could balance things u dislike in me...

I don’t know why I’m writing this.
Maybe I’m scared I’ll forget these things someday.
Maybe I want to remember that my feelings weren’t random or delusional.
Maybe I want to remind myself that what we had, even at its smallest, meant something.

I don’t expect anything from you.
I’m not asking for anything.
I just wanted to put this somewhere so the truth doesn’t get lost in all the chaos.

These thoughts aren’t lost.
And maybe someday, if you ever come across this, if u recall there's a place I hv dropped these msgs for u ..just know that you were loved, ull be loved ( in my own way )