Unsent Messages

this is stuff we would've sent but didn't have enough confidence to right?
here goes I guess,

" ummm so I really like you romantically but if u don't like me back it's okay we just won't ever talk again because that's how I am. I also my ex*es beat the shit out of me and controlled the shit out of me and did other crazy things thats why I act like this. I really am attracted to you and I enjoy our time we spend together a lot. I feel like you get me and I don't need to pretend around you. I feel like u are my little secret from the world, but I'm really jealous. but I won't show it. I feel like you're just like everyone else a lot, but another part of me wants to just be with you too. but of course I don't trust you at all and you have given me multiple scenarios and instances where I will not be able to trust you and let myself go to you. You are a nice fantasy in my head I guess, that no one will ever know about. when people we both mutually know ask me about you, I tell them anything you've said about me is a lie and I don't know you. I'm a bad liar in that sense."