Unsent Messages

Postcard from the halfway to nowhere checkpoint:

Thinking of you. I guess not sure what to say. I still feel for you. It's all happy thoughts. Being away for awhile has been good for me I think , to stop seeing "our" places so much. I drove those back roads too much. When I do go back and you won't be there it will probably be hard on me a little bit. Not being "home" makes it feel like a vacation and not separation. Logical mind knows our house isn't our house, and you won't be there for Christmas. But late at night or when I'm daydreaming I forget for a few seconds. You were out of my mind for awhile when being here was fresh and exciting but this last little while you've been popping back up again. I used to think of it as doing Good vs. Bad. Think of you and your girlfriend and being happy for you = good. Thinking of memories we had and being happy to share them in conversation (almost) painlessly = good. But I felt like missing you and still wanting you back , the dreams about us meeting and fixing our issues = bad. Not sure what's good or bad anymore. As a side note. I've been wanting to make one of these again for awhile. But I felt that was another bad habit. And on top of it all I feel like I've been manipulated through these, or through conversations with shared friends. Taking a step back for awhile may help. Wanted to get this out there first. I hope you have a Merry Christmas. ❤️