Unsent Messages

I could be a greater version of myself. Im slacking, i hate that i dont put myself forward enough and realize that wow alessia, your turning into someone i dont recognize and i do not like it. i dont like it one bit. but im standing here waiting for the chance to have him back when he doesnt want me. he doesnt care anymore and its breaking me. im losing myself over someone who doesnt give a shit about me. i wish i could see how much pain that hes causing me. but i dont want to. i dont want to see that side. i hate how i look. trust me, i would trade my body in a instint. i wouldnt care what the damages would be. i hate this. i dont want to look like this or feel like this. i want to be my dads little girl again. i want to go back where life didnt make us view the awful things about ourselves/life. it sucks. i want to go back. tell myself its not worth it. tell myself to not give up when no one else did. ava you watched me lose myself and stood there. didnt give a fuck. i dont expect anyone at all to help me but you put me through it. tallen, fuck you. fuck you, for making me think that we mightve had the slightest chance, for a minute i thought you loved me. just for a minute. lili,i love you. you will always be the joy of my life. you bring me nothing but laughter. keep doing you b, your amazing.
alessia you are the most to blame. you let yourself dig a hole you couldnt get yourself out of. you got yourself here and its your fault. its you. you fucked up. big time. now i am facing the consequences. fuck you. for making yourself feel like shit. for looking at yourself in the mirror and falling to the ground, crying because you hate yourself. its your fault you look like this. its always been your fault. why bother. everyday is the same. why. why do you do this to yourself. it doesnt make any sense. maybe things will change. please do better. im begging you.- Alessia. JANUARY, 12,2021. ily.