Unsent Messages

For some reason I decided to look at your facebook.

Maybe I'm just high. I hope I am, but while I'm not in love you now, I'm still in love with you 2 years ago.

2 years later and I cant still remember the look of your eyes staring into mine. I can still remember how warm you were and how I felt safe and warm with you.

Most of all though, I can still remember the last night. I can remember how much you wanted to leave and how you wouldn't let me hang out with you after. I can still remember the feeling in my stomach when you didn't reply to my last "I love you".

I want to hate you so bad. I genuinely do, but I'm still so lonely. I'm sad and anxious. I don't know any love other than yours, so how am I supposed to know what to look for? And when I don't find love somewhere else, how do I survive without yours?

Ya know, I think maybe you've written one of these to me. But probably not either. Im not even your first love. Some of these messages do hit home though. I almost hope you see this yourself and know that its me.

When I'm high or drunk, I can almost catch a glimpse or memory of what happiness felt like. It's funny how much I took for granted the feeling of content and happiness and love. Maybe one day I'll replace you, but I'm scared that all they'll be is a replacement.