Unsent Messages

. i miss when we hopped the fence of my school and smoked under the bleachers. i miss the day i realized i liked you at the movie theater. i miss when i introduced you to dayglow and m83. i miss when you would call me while i walked my dog and i would tell you dumb stories that i've never been able to tell anyone because they wouldn't listen. i miss our first date and i miss when you came over while my parents were out but they got back too early and i had to sneak you out the back gate. i miss the day it rained so hard our socks were wet and when we got to my house i gave you my shirt and blow dried your hair. i miss when you stole a white claw from 7/11 and we sat on a log by the street and ate that weird british biscuit and i was looking at ants. i miss the day at the river with suzy and thorn and sophie and the day at the river with just us. i miss biking places with you and sitting outside the library in june. i miss your pink hair. i miss being able to look at you without having to look away once you noticed i was looking. I MISS YOUR PARENTS??? i miss being your first everything. im sorry for crying yesterday at the park and making things weird. i fucking hate you for breaking up with me on our anniversary i fucking hate you for doing exactly what im afraid of i fucking hate you so much for everything you did but i cant because you're so . you. you're an amazing person and you're so fucking smart and funny an d you're so pretty and i dont want to be with anyone else. i hate you for making me fall in love with you and i dont know how to stop and you're all i can think about and i dont want to be your friend.