Unsent Messages

i miss you, i wish you never left. you left me broken for months. i trusted you, told you everything. you where all i wanted, i looked for your notification. i told my mum who you were and i dont tell her who any of my friends are. why, why did you leave. you could have stayed for me. you think its all ok but i cant do it. i started cutting because of you. i cried everyday. i didnt want to keep living because you meant so much to me. i just want to know if you ever think of me still and if you regret leaving or if you ever read through our messages. because i sure do and whenever i listen to NF it kills me inside and i will breakdown crying because you introduced me to him. i just wanted you back. im broken because of you. i just needed you to stay. why me? why become so close to me and then just up and leave like i was nothing. you act like everything is fine and im here drowning in my own head alone and cold. im not ok. i have accepted the fact that i havent been ok for a few years but you know, im still alive and thats what matters right. everything has gone to shit, i feel like im in a living hell that everyday is the same but i cant get help, no one sees my struggling to stay alive and they all come to me saying they want to die and i write paragraphs for them and will do anything to keep them alive but im just drowning in my own head i feel like i cant breath.fuck. all i want is to be happy again, i miss trusting people and being happy. at this point i would do anything to be happy again. i wish i never wasted my birthday candle wishes on something stupid, i should have wished for happiness. all everyone ever says is "i understand" "i get it" like NO you dont get it, you arent in my position, i have been through so much. i have had enough its just a chore waking up everyday. i just want someone to notice and help me. please :/
i do miss you tho, everyday