Unsent Messages

if I went back through everyone I've had feelings for, you top everyone on that list. I don't know what we are or what you feel for me at the moment, but I love you. I could tell you that a million times. you're my best friend and I never meant to fall in love with you. you're one of the most beautiful people I've ever met, and I'm so grateful that our lives collided somehow. I wish I knew if you loved me back, because you act like you do, but you can't communicate anything with me. you kiss me and hold my hand in the car, but then you don't text me for days at a time. everything about us is so incredibly toxic and it makes me love it even more. the toxicity makes me crave you and I hate it so much. I deserve better than this but I refuse to walk away.