Unsent Messages

I think of all the relationships i’ve had up until now and it still breaks me to know I was the one who went and ended it. Sometimes I wonder if I made the right decision, how it could have played out if we went for that second chance. Why did I do it? how could you possibly expect me to stay after what you did? How can I trust someone like that again? so many questions are running through my mind it feels like we never even met. Take one good look at me now and the answer is abundantly clear. I’m better this way and I can’t be tied down. ever. I look back at all the bittersweet moments we shared. My first love, infatuated with the idea of you. I know now not to look for hopeless potential, letting go of my rationality for a glimmer of hope you would catch up to my level of care. I kept turning back, doubting myself if I deserved this, if this was the kind of love that was normal. I kept hanging on to a sliver of hope that things will get better. That change was eventual and falling in love was not a mistake. It felt like a never ending chase, and I guess that’s why it went on for as long as it did. I cant apologize now because there is nothing to be sorry for.