Unsent Messages

i think this will be the most mature thing i've said about you. i'm finally at a better viewpoint: not in love with you, yet not bashing you to make myself feel better. for starters, i made the background white because i feel like i was pretty blinded when i liked you and i don't know what color would represent our friendship. anyways, its strange, you show up in my dreams often, but i don't think about you. i won't have thought about you for a week, 2, maybe more, but suddenly we're dating in my dream. i don't get it. i mean, i've liked people since you, i've moved on. why are you still there? i've started to consider our relationship (friendship), and why i was so in love with you. it was only a crush, yet it lasted years. sometimes i felt like you just understood me, you read me without me explaining myself. it was new and it made me feel loved. remember the staring contests? you had the prettiest eyes ever, i hope you know that. i remember facetiming a lot before we really stopped talking. i was so awkward and so scared but i loved being around you. you had the best humor, it was dirty but i thought it was hilarious. i miss that. i don't know if you remember, but you had a nickname for me. it was annoying when you'd call me it, but you know i secretly loved it. i guess a lot of the time you gave me a sense of worth. not a lot of guys took interest in me, but you seemed to. yet even with all of that, and so much more, you still made me lose my identity and my confidence. you, among other things, just brought me down. i can't entirely make it your fault, but i was fragile and the way you made me feel sometimes just broke my heart. i one day decided to stop talking to you, i don't know if you noticed. we used to snap a lot but i stopped because you said something on a yolo about me and it stung. i guess i realized i was better than that, so i decided to let you go. looking back on it, i'd never change what i did that day. i needed to love myself without the approval of others. losing you and a few other people let me do that. anyways, i'm not sure why i'm doing this, i just got on the website, got distracted, and you came to mind. i doubt you'll ever see this, or realize it was from me, but if you want to, give me a text. you're a good guy & i hope you're doing well.