Unsent Messages

if you see this, i hope you’re doing well. gaming wise, wellbeing wise, whatever. i hope your family is too. i hated to be the one to tell your parents but i hope i made it easier for you. i hope i made it believable that i broke it off. i’m sure it’s easier to explain. i hope.

i’m tired of playing and being in this vicious cycle with you. i get happy when you finally talk to me because it makes me feel like a FRIEND, but when you start giving me 1 word 2 word answers it breaks me. even more when you’re online and i know you are and you don’t say anything. cuz if you think the way you’re treating me is as “friends” then i feel miserable being your friend. i feel like shit having you as my friend.

i’m sure it’s enough stuff for you to reply to. just fucking tell me when you don’t want to talk. don’t give me stupid excuses. because you replied before. you just don’t want to put in effort to say anything. and that’s okay. i hope you can put the proper effort, and be a M A N to a good girl. not the stupid shit you pulled on me over and over again. it hurts. i keep rejecting advances every guy is taking. i cant imagine what they think. it’s just this subconsciousness that i have to be loyal to someone i don’t have anymore. someone that doesn’t even want me.

you say you want to be friends but you aren’t acting like one. you don’t treat your FRIENDS the way you treat me. and i know it. everyone knows it. i was waiting for you to step up as a friend, instead of stepping over me over and over, but you still won’t do that. and like anything, that’s okay. anything’s okay. whatever YOU want right? i wish you would just step up.

and your friend man. i dont think i’ll be watching your streams anymore. it just i- does it make me seems desperate watching your streams? i am after all your ex. i just want to support you. but the fact that i can’t even do THAT without someone saying SOMETHING, i just shouldn’t do ANYTHING. am i a bad person regardless of what i do? because i don’t think i’m as bad as everyone sees me as. and i can confidently say that.

good luck with the upcoming semester. do good okay? i hope you meet someone good. someone who loved me the way i did, supported you the way i did, stayed by your side through your problems the way i did. please stay safe for me, okay? don’t forget what happened. please tell your brother you love him. show him you love him. but just know, you fucking suck. you just suck. you’re a piece of shit. we all know that. but i won’t get in the way of your future endeavours. you deserve good things, even though you never thought i deserved that. go far, the boy who was once my love.