Unsent Messages

im not going to lie to you Luke because I hid it from you Lon enough and you know I distract myself and I didn't want to tell you because I know you're going through it too. but im struggling so much and I've gone back to my old habits Luke my skin stings in the shower and my stomach growls all the time. I want you to promise me you'll get better because I know you can because youve done it before so you can do it again I believe in you. I think it was your message about the hospital and I worry about you Luke but I can keep projecting things onto you and you can't do it for me that's why we broke up the pressure you can't physically make someone better but leaving your hurt on them as it hurts them too and eats the up inside and I know that goes both ways. I can't message you properly or see you and I know I said id see after new year but I can't do it Luke im sorry. it will ruin me and im trying to get better and I know that's selfish but as I said its not going to work maybe when we do find each other when we're both older and almost forgot maybe we.ll come together. I didn't believe in right person wrong time until I met you. but that's it Luke thats now all I can do. just know ill love you forever I still remember everything about you the way your eyes crease when you smile and the beautiful colour they were when you could see them when you weren't high. They were the colour of this post. ill never forget and never forget that